Man Flu: a rare strain of the common cold that is so painful it can only be compared to childbirth. (In fact, if you ask any man, they usually think it’s worse.) It is also known as ‘fishing for sympathy’ and ‘chronic exaggeration’. The female race appears to be immune to unusual strain of flu; however, the male species are particularly vulnerable to its wrath.
All jokes aside, I actually want to get serious with you for a moment: did you know men actually have a ridiculously good thing going when it comes to playing up their Man Flu? Other than the bouts of love and attention they receive from their lady, there’s another grand result that comes from playing the sympathy card and staying home on the couch at the first sign of a sniffle – they’re preventing the spread of germs at their work place. Yep, by resting at home they’re ensuring they get healthy sooner, and they’re stopping their illness from doing the rounds at work, too.
We women must learn from this. Truly we must. Why? Well, Chemist’s Own pharmacy brand found they spend over $1.6 billion per year covering employee sick leave – a figure that could be cut dramatically if people didn’t wait so long to get treatment or rest their bodies at home when struck down with a cold.
The moral of this story is this: instead of pushing on and heading into work when you can’t leave the box of tissues alone for more than two minutes and you’re an awful spluttering mess, stop. Yes, stop! Take your suit off, put your feet up, call in sick and visit your doctor for treatment (or reach for something like Boiron Coldcalm). And better yet, don’t feel guilty about it. Everyone gets sick at some point, but taking your colleagues down with you is just plain nasty.
So, embrace the Man Flu behaviour, and listen to your body when it’s asking you to rest. Got it, ladies? Good.
And while you’ve got your feet up on the couch, Chemist’s Own Pharmacist Gerald Quigley recommends drinking loads of water to maintain hydration, increasing your intake of vitamin A and C, eating garlic and onions to help fight the bug (can’t stomach them? Try Pretorius Garlic + C & Horseradish tablets), and sleeping on two pillows to assist sinus drainage. Do this and you’ll be on your way to a healthier you, quick smart. Brilliant.
Now you’ve learned your lesson, it’s time for some utterly delightful Man Flu facts…
FUN FACT #1: Man Flu is more painful than childbirth. This is an irrefutable scientific fact*.
(*Based on a survey of over 100,000 men.)
FUN FACT #2: Man Flu is not ‘just a cold’. It is a condition so severe that the germs from a single Man Flu sneeze could wipe out entire tribes of people living in the rainforest. And probably loads of monkeys, too.
FUN FACT #3: Men do not ‘moan’ when they have Man Flu. They emit involuntary groans of agony that are entirely in proportion to the unbearable pain they are in.
FUN FACT #4: More men die each year from MFN (Man Flu Neglect) than lots and lots of other things (like rabbit attacks or choking on toast).
FUN FACT #5: Man Flu germs are more powerful than Rambo, Batman and The A-Team combined. They are too strong for weak, nasty tasting ‘lady medicines’ like Lemsip, so don’t bother trying to force them on a victim of Man Flu.
Does your man suffer from Man Flu? Are you going to adopt the rest-up-and-get-better-sooner traits of the Man Flu from now on? You should. The dishes can wait. Seriously.
