Tantastic

I love a tan. Real, fake, bronzed I’m not fussed I adore them all. In fact I even picked up the nickname Kate ‘Alltan’ (instead of Althans) for my permanent desire to be bronzed. Sunbathing is a military operation for me and even when I’m faking it there’s a very tight routine I follow (including a toweling dress I sport post application).

However, until last week I was a spray tan novice so I decided it was time to give it a go.

Unsure of what to expect I was taken to a shower room and told to strip off in prep. Standing there in the cubical wearing only my skin and a tiny piece of dental floss, the doubts started to creep in. The technician turned on what can only be described as a Hoover that blowed instead of sucked and started spraying me with a coldish liquid. Back, front and side to side, legs apart, together (and even head between them!) arms up, and out… numerous robot poses were impersonated in order to ensure no skin was left un-kissed. Five minutes – and zero dignity later – all done.

I was told that under no circumstance must I;
get wet (Near impossible with the rainstorm outside.)
wear a bra (Not happening. My boobs are far too big to be walking around Sydney free of any encasing.)
sport a shoulder bag.

So I popped on some loose attire and waddled home like a duck, umbrella up and bags dragging behind me.

Diving into Woolies en route, it was only when I caught a glimpse of myself in the freezer door I realised that I resembled an Oompa Loompa, one that had just rolled around in mud! Forget dinner – I would go hungry. I dumped my basket and dashed out. Mortified.

Once home I proceeded to turn everything I came into contact with brown. My sheets, towels, sofa, were now all a lovely shade of chestnut. Must. Sit. Still.

Fast forward 12 hours and a very thorough shower and I was sporting a beautiful ‘just landed from an exotic holiday’ colour. Was it worth it? Definitely.

Note: the picture isn’t me post spray (I was far too busy remembering all the things I mustn’t do to take photos.) It’s a picture of me covered in dirt – which simply serves to give you an idea of what I saw staring back at me in that freezer door!