Watch out for the waddle…

Oh dear, the duck waddle is here! And you can add it to the long list of pregnancy-related phenomenons that nobody cares to warn you about pre-pregnancy. Shame on them!

I’m beginning to wonder if there exists a universal unwritten rule that forbids mothers from revealing the realities of pregnancy with mums-to-be. Or maybe we have Mother Nature to blame: she has an uncanny way of enabling us to forget any less than enjoyable experiences such as labor pains, piles and all the other aches and pains that go hand in hand with pregnancy.

So only the pregnant pretties will know what I mean when I say I’ve been waiting in gloomy anticipation for the day that I can no longer walk my usual walk – instead having to waddle like a duck at a pregnant pace. It’s partway between an aged amble and a torn-muscle totter – what it’s not is graceful and it’s only going to get worse (I have a glum face right now that even the ‘pregnancy glow’ can’t counteract!).

Ladies, be warned: I’m breaking the unwritten rule to reveal that by the time you hit seven-months-pregnant you can forget about a sexy stride. Instead you’ll have to settle for the well-known waddle. And the only tip I can give you – which won’t prevent but will lessen an attack of the quacks – is to say don’t put off a comfort break (a posh way of saying a trip to the loo). The result of a full bladder and a bub in the belly is a very unladylike lurch, which far exceeds the duck waddle. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Are you willing to share a pregnancy secret?